what will 2009 hold for us?

Hi there,

I thought I'd drop a blog in to mark the start of the new year. Haven't decided if I'm going to start it all up again, I guess I'll just see how it goes.
so here we are at 2009, if I sit back and think about last year, I wonder what I have acheived.... I've had gradual changes that I'm sure have been for the better. I got a new job, because I was very much determined to move on, it meant a lot to me to get it and I was successful, so I'm happy about that.
towards the end of 2008, everything got a bit busy and hectic. I was constantly rushing about, rushing to work, rushing home, and rushing my dinner. I need much more chilled time to do stuff for myself. I have had no time for photography, no time to get the love back into it.
sooo, it's only me that can change this aspect of my life, I have requested to work one day less a week. I'm not sure if it wise financially, but I do know it's wise for my sanity, I need to get kaz back, and start enjoying my life again, I actually do need time to breath, that sounds so cheesey, but it's how I feel right now.
I believe I can do so much with that extra day, get back into film photography, perhaps paint and read more, spend time alone, collecting my thoughts, and just generally listening to myself more.
I'm feeling quite positive about this year. I registered for the Belfast marathon yesterday, so I'm excited about getting stuck into training for that.
let's see what 2009 holds, shall we?

K

Victoria Square BELFAST Apple Store Granding Opening

Anxious.. me? yeah badly

I'm sitting in college today with all my prints for the latest assignment mounted and pretty much good to go. I just have to finish my workbook, so I thought it was as good a time as any to put it off and write to me blog.
I'm unbelievably tense, anxious, stressed or whatever else you want to call it today. My jaw feels like steel, I must have been grinding my teeth all night without even realising it.
I have never felt like I wanted to change things in my life so much as I do today. 7:45am and I had already received a call from work asking about some order. For the first time ever in a job I really didn't care, ok I've felt like that before, but I've never really let my work slip. I never wanted it to show me up as bad at my job, ungrateful or whatever. But now I don't even care if I screw up, and this is the biggest sign I've had to wise up and sort myself out!
It's like there's a voice inside me today saying "I can't do this anymore" it's very strange. It's like I'm actually starting to listen to myself for a change instead of sticking my head in the sand.
I've been on the phone trying to sort out a frame for a print I'm getting today, spoke to a really nice guy, and he was really helpful. That's what I want to be doing, talking to people that are nice and talking about a subject I'm interested in. That's what gives me a buzz. I just need a chance to do these things!
God why can't I sort my life out, if only it was easy... I'm going to have to start writing things down, making a note of my goals, long and short term... See if I can get some clarity somehow..
It's 3pm and I'm already stressing out about going to work tomorrow, ok I know I shouldn't moan. The people are nice, and I'm getting a day off for my HND and it's really close to home at the moment. Why can't I just be grateful, it's just not what I was put here to do that's why. Time is short, and sometimes I just don't understand my own head.. I wish I was more intelligent, more courageous, had more drive... more of everything who makes up someone that I am not.
I'm reading a book at the moment about behaviour and how the brain works. It mentions that we shouldn't make statements with "wish" in the title, like I've just done. Book is obviously doing me no good! By using this word it means we aren't determined enough , it means we're never going to change things it's not definite enough.
Looks like a change of attitude it needed... i will not go to bed tonight with unresolved issues!!

K

Working your way Around the World

Things are going to change, I feel it in my bones!
I've got the sensation that I had before I went to Australia, it's like a tingle that brings about a feeling making you realise something is really going to happen, and it's not all talk.
As you can see I put a pic up of a book I bought yesterday, "Working Your Way Around the World" I have read about 20 pages and already I'm feeling a real buzz about travelling again. There is so so much of the world to see, so many different cultures and types of people and I want to experience it all. I've said it many times before, and I'll say it again, I do not want to be in my rocker wishing I'd seen more of the world. Granted I'll probably have dementia and not have a clue what my name is, even so you get the picture.
Don't get me wrong I know i've been pretty lucky to see a good bit of the world already, but that just gives me the taste for it all even more. I'm probably slightly more streetwise and know what to expect when I head off. Therefore i'm probably in a better position to go away than I've ever been.
Of course I have to finish my HND, as it's extremely important to me, and that will also give me time to save a bit for flights etc. Also I'll be able to take the skills I've acquired from the course and put them into practice all over the world, just imagining my portfolio growing gets me excited :)
So my initial (extremely initial) plan is to aim for a departure round about the latter half of 2010. I have no idea at the moment where I would start my trip, but there's plenty of time to write down all the places that i'm interested in.. (mainly everywhere)
All of these thoughts about travel actually help me to put into perspective how a feel about a career. Maybe you don't have to search for that defining role that suits you perfectly, maybe it's all bout funding your adventures and developing yourself as a person outside the workplace. Therefore the job you are in is maybe only a means to funding everything you want to do outside in the big and beautiul world..

food for though eh...

Karen

**happy**

Condemned

A while back I added some lyrics to my bebo profile the song is called condemned and it's by an artist called Mandi Perkins. Neil wanted to know the artist, so here she is below. I really like...

CONDEMNED

KRM Photos

Just to let you know I have set up an online journal mainly relating to all my photography work. So please do check it out here:

http://krmphotos.livejournal.com/

...additions

This assignment is proving to be a pain in the ass, but i willl hopefully get gradually better the more i stick at it.... here's the latest shots i've come up with :)

Natural Forms

Hey there,

So my next topic in photography is natural forms, some samples of what i've been at below:






It's just a start, I need to do a lot more work.. the orange has no detail and the grapes aren't the same tone.... but as a concept i'd love some feedback please :)

Kaz

another quote...

"Never look as if you're lost. Look as if you know exactly where you're going. If you don't know where you are going, head straight for the bar"
- Joan Collins

My final panel

Race for life

Hi Guys.

Jill and I are going to do the 5K race for life at stormont for cancer research in June..
Any donations would be great, click below to help me, and go here to help Jill

Thank u :)

Photography Update..

Hi guys,

Just thought I'd let you know what's happening with my photography, hopefully you are a little bit interested.
First of all, my latest assignment is now complete and is getting handed in tomorrow. I think it went reasonably well and I am starting to see an impovement in my work, but I can also see there is much more I need to get to grips with. Hopefully after another 7 assignments (yes that's right, 7) I'll be a good bit better than what I currently am. I'll let you all know how I do as soon as I get the results.. :)
Next up is a competition that I have entered here Photography Monthly
These are the pics I've entered into a few of the categories. I'm sure you've seem them before.

Landscape



Travel



Potraiture



i've looked at these images to the point of not really liking them anymore, haha, but maybe someone will like one of them. Let me know what you guys think.

Avoca

Hi there, there is a newish kind of knicknak shop in town called avoca. Well i went to meet jill and her mum there for lunch in the upstairs restaurant part. After about a half hour wait we eventally got a table. I tell u what, it was certainly worth the wait. Check out the feast of loveliness above...it's fairly expensive, but the lovely mrs irwin treated us to it all. mmm u don't even know the half of what you are eating, but hell i love that! So for those with a refined palette like myself one recommends :)

Can't sleep :(

It's 3.30 in the morning and i can't sleep, so here's a phone blog just for the craic. I'm lying here wide awake, actually fancy a bacon sarnie i'm that hungry. No college tomorrow, pretty disappointed actually, means i have to go to work and be bored. Talked about going on a road trip around ireland today, sounds like a magnificent plan, here's hoping i can get the doe together. Well i guess i better try and get some z's 3hrs til the alarm goes off. Arse! Zzz :)

quote

"I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful, and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic, and a progressive religious experience"

- Shelley Winters

Portrait part deux

Hi guys,

Ok Tuesday was a busy day which finished off with me in the studio, attempting to understand the lighting and deal with blown bulbs and wrong coloured backgrounds.

Anyway, i managed to get some shots taken all thanks to the lovely Gordon, I did feel like i rushed it a bit, and poor G wasn't that well :( Still i've put together a small selection of what i think are the best ones. I need 5 for this specific panel, so here goes...
Please please give honest feed back.

Thanks

Kaz

Rebel Without a Cause.

Hi there,

Ok thought I'd put up one of the James Dean shots that i'm trying to get my inspiration from in my current assignment.

What do you think, see where i'm coming from. I know Dennis Stock's is a bit better but hey he had daylight on his side ;) I do think i have better highlighting on the face :p

Kaz

...more photography, just for a wee change

Hey again,

Well I was back in the darkroom again yesterday developing a further 2 rolls for my location portrait work.
I'm pretty happy with these ones, I am often suprised when i get a good shot, need to start believing in myself a bit more, maybe that will create a bit more greatness ;) Neil gave me some great expressions, if only i had money to pay him, he could make a living out of posing.. (not in a gay way eh Neil) the character goes a long way to making the picture decent, it's certainly not all about the photographers technique!!
Anyway, i'm going to put up the shots that were developed and then scanned in, so you can let me know what you think:
I'll also put up a shot of me another student took, this is the only one of her batch that isn't disturbing.. if you want to see more go here:

not your average portrait and scroll down a bit:

Black and White Film Photo Shoot

Hey there,

Time to blog a bit more about photography. Ok so i used up my first film for my portrait assignment and went into college today to see what I had produced. I was apprehensive as per usual, you just never know with film if you've got anything worth keeping or is it all going to be rubbish. Either that or you screw up the entire film when developing and end up never knowing whether it was good or not!! Anyway, i got passed all that and ended up with a few pretty decent shots, which isn't bad from one roll of film. I'm now going for a James Dean, kind of rebel without a cause type theme now. My tutor looked at one of my shots and suggested I go down this line. So at this stage he knows much more than me, so i figured I'd take his advice. Just means i've much more work to do and have to get my ass out with the next film.
Neil was my willing candidate as always, which is great, but i need to give him a rest and will be using Gordon for my studio stuff, but more on that at a later date. So have a wee look below and tell me what you think, these are scans from the prints i produced today, one has scanned out kind of sepia in tone, which works as well... So as I say, feedback welcome, this is all lots of fun and keeps me extremely busy...

Speak soon.

K

Rant

Hi, I feel the need to go off on a big rant today, don't really know where I'm going with it, but lets go for it anyway!
I'm sitting here at work, as usual feeling like i'm wasting my life. Yesterday I was meant to be making up hours, but left early because I just couldn't stand wasting another minute pissing about in here. There's people out there with really meaningful lives doing important things everyday, and i'm rotting away in mundane Karen Land. I know I should be grateful that I have a job, blah blah blah. Sometimes you just can't be eternally positive and you just have to have a great big moan!
Of course it's all my own fault, you don't get anywhere in life by sitting on your fat ass, moaning and hoping that the life changing event you dream of happening just comes and say's hello to you one day!
We have to take responsibilty for our lives, of course we do, who else is going to, I just wish I knew how to do that...Would anyone out there like to sort my life out for me because I haven't managed to work it all out myself yet! I do believe i've just constradicted myself there.
Anyway.. I just need a fresh start, something new and challenging. Who's with me? who wants to go on a Journey? Lets all walk out of work we hate today! see that's it I'll me a motivational speaker, would you listen to me?