Anxious.. me? yeah badly

I'm sitting in college today with all my prints for the latest assignment mounted and pretty much good to go. I just have to finish my workbook, so I thought it was as good a time as any to put it off and write to me blog.
I'm unbelievably tense, anxious, stressed or whatever else you want to call it today. My jaw feels like steel, I must have been grinding my teeth all night without even realising it.
I have never felt like I wanted to change things in my life so much as I do today. 7:45am and I had already received a call from work asking about some order. For the first time ever in a job I really didn't care, ok I've felt like that before, but I've never really let my work slip. I never wanted it to show me up as bad at my job, ungrateful or whatever. But now I don't even care if I screw up, and this is the biggest sign I've had to wise up and sort myself out!
It's like there's a voice inside me today saying "I can't do this anymore" it's very strange. It's like I'm actually starting to listen to myself for a change instead of sticking my head in the sand.
I've been on the phone trying to sort out a frame for a print I'm getting today, spoke to a really nice guy, and he was really helpful. That's what I want to be doing, talking to people that are nice and talking about a subject I'm interested in. That's what gives me a buzz. I just need a chance to do these things!
God why can't I sort my life out, if only it was easy... I'm going to have to start writing things down, making a note of my goals, long and short term... See if I can get some clarity somehow..
It's 3pm and I'm already stressing out about going to work tomorrow, ok I know I shouldn't moan. The people are nice, and I'm getting a day off for my HND and it's really close to home at the moment. Why can't I just be grateful, it's just not what I was put here to do that's why. Time is short, and sometimes I just don't understand my own head.. I wish I was more intelligent, more courageous, had more drive... more of everything who makes up someone that I am not.
I'm reading a book at the moment about behaviour and how the brain works. It mentions that we shouldn't make statements with "wish" in the title, like I've just done. Book is obviously doing me no good! By using this word it means we aren't determined enough , it means we're never going to change things it's not definite enough.
Looks like a change of attitude it needed... i will not go to bed tonight with unresolved issues!!

K