Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Anxious.. me? yeah badly

I'm sitting in college today with all my prints for the latest assignment mounted and pretty much good to go. I just have to finish my workbook, so I thought it was as good a time as any to put it off and write to me blog.
I'm unbelievably tense, anxious, stressed or whatever else you want to call it today. My jaw feels like steel, I must have been grinding my teeth all night without even realising it.
I have never felt like I wanted to change things in my life so much as I do today. 7:45am and I had already received a call from work asking about some order. For the first time ever in a job I really didn't care, ok I've felt like that before, but I've never really let my work slip. I never wanted it to show me up as bad at my job, ungrateful or whatever. But now I don't even care if I screw up, and this is the biggest sign I've had to wise up and sort myself out!
It's like there's a voice inside me today saying "I can't do this anymore" it's very strange. It's like I'm actually starting to listen to myself for a change instead of sticking my head in the sand.
I've been on the phone trying to sort out a frame for a print I'm getting today, spoke to a really nice guy, and he was really helpful. That's what I want to be doing, talking to people that are nice and talking about a subject I'm interested in. That's what gives me a buzz. I just need a chance to do these things!
God why can't I sort my life out, if only it was easy... I'm going to have to start writing things down, making a note of my goals, long and short term... See if I can get some clarity somehow..
It's 3pm and I'm already stressing out about going to work tomorrow, ok I know I shouldn't moan. The people are nice, and I'm getting a day off for my HND and it's really close to home at the moment. Why can't I just be grateful, it's just not what I was put here to do that's why. Time is short, and sometimes I just don't understand my own head.. I wish I was more intelligent, more courageous, had more drive... more of everything who makes up someone that I am not.
I'm reading a book at the moment about behaviour and how the brain works. It mentions that we shouldn't make statements with "wish" in the title, like I've just done. Book is obviously doing me no good! By using this word it means we aren't determined enough , it means we're never going to change things it's not definite enough.
Looks like a change of attitude it needed... i will not go to bed tonight with unresolved issues!!


Friday, May 02, 2008

Working your way Around the World

Things are going to change, I feel it in my bones!
I've got the sensation that I had before I went to Australia, it's like a tingle that brings about a feeling making you realise something is really going to happen, and it's not all talk.
As you can see I put a pic up of a book I bought yesterday, "Working Your Way Around the World" I have read about 20 pages and already I'm feeling a real buzz about travelling again. There is so so much of the world to see, so many different cultures and types of people and I want to experience it all. I've said it many times before, and I'll say it again, I do not want to be in my rocker wishing I'd seen more of the world. Granted I'll probably have dementia and not have a clue what my name is, even so you get the picture.
Don't get me wrong I know i've been pretty lucky to see a good bit of the world already, but that just gives me the taste for it all even more. I'm probably slightly more streetwise and know what to expect when I head off. Therefore i'm probably in a better position to go away than I've ever been.
Of course I have to finish my HND, as it's extremely important to me, and that will also give me time to save a bit for flights etc. Also I'll be able to take the skills I've acquired from the course and put them into practice all over the world, just imagining my portfolio growing gets me excited :)
So my initial (extremely initial) plan is to aim for a departure round about the latter half of 2010. I have no idea at the moment where I would start my trip, but there's plenty of time to write down all the places that i'm interested in.. (mainly everywhere)
All of these thoughts about travel actually help me to put into perspective how a feel about a career. Maybe you don't have to search for that defining role that suits you perfectly, maybe it's all bout funding your adventures and developing yourself as a person outside the workplace. Therefore the job you are in is maybe only a means to funding everything you want to do outside in the big and beautiul world..

food for though eh...



Friday, April 25, 2008


A while back I added some lyrics to my bebo profile the song is called condemned and it's by an artist called Mandi Perkins. Neil wanted to know the artist, so here she is below. I really like...


Wednesday, April 16, 2008

KRM Photos

Just to let you know I have set up an online journal mainly relating to all my photography work. So please do check it out here:


Friday, April 11, 2008


This assignment is proving to be a pain in the ass, but i willl hopefully get gradually better the more i stick at it.... here's the latest shots i've come up with :)

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Natural Forms

Hey there,

So my next topic in photography is natural forms, some samples of what i've been at below:

It's just a start, I need to do a lot more work.. the orange has no detail and the grapes aren't the same tone.... but as a concept i'd love some feedback please :)


Friday, April 04, 2008

another quote...

"Never look as if you're lost. Look as if you know exactly where you're going. If you don't know where you are going, head straight for the bar"
- Joan Collins

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Race for life

Hi Guys.

Jill and I are going to do the 5K race for life at stormont for cancer research in June..
Any donations would be great, click below to help me, and go here to help Jill

Thank u :)

Monday, March 31, 2008

Photography Update..

Hi guys,

Just thought I'd let you know what's happening with my photography, hopefully you are a little bit interested.
First of all, my latest assignment is now complete and is getting handed in tomorrow. I think it went reasonably well and I am starting to see an impovement in my work, but I can also see there is much more I need to get to grips with. Hopefully after another 7 assignments (yes that's right, 7) I'll be a good bit better than what I currently am. I'll let you all know how I do as soon as I get the results.. :)
Next up is a competition that I have entered here Photography Monthly
These are the pics I've entered into a few of the categories. I'm sure you've seem them before.




i've looked at these images to the point of not really liking them anymore, haha, but maybe someone will like one of them. Let me know what you guys think.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Hi there, there is a newish kind of knicknak shop in town called avoca. Well i went to meet jill and her mum there for lunch in the upstairs restaurant part. After about a half hour wait we eventally got a table. I tell u what, it was certainly worth the wait. Check out the feast of loveliness above...it's fairly expensive, but the lovely mrs irwin treated us to it all. mmm u don't even know the half of what you are eating, but hell i love that! So for those with a refined palette like myself one recommends :)

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Can't sleep :(

It's 3.30 in the morning and i can't sleep, so here's a phone blog just for the craic. I'm lying here wide awake, actually fancy a bacon sarnie i'm that hungry. No college tomorrow, pretty disappointed actually, means i have to go to work and be bored. Talked about going on a road trip around ireland today, sounds like a magnificent plan, here's hoping i can get the doe together. Well i guess i better try and get some z's 3hrs til the alarm goes off. Arse! Zzz :)

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


"I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful, and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic, and a progressive religious experience"

- Shelley Winters

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Portrait part deux

Hi guys,

Ok Tuesday was a busy day which finished off with me in the studio, attempting to understand the lighting and deal with blown bulbs and wrong coloured backgrounds.

Anyway, i managed to get some shots taken all thanks to the lovely Gordon, I did feel like i rushed it a bit, and poor G wasn't that well :( Still i've put together a small selection of what i think are the best ones. I need 5 for this specific panel, so here goes...
Please please give honest feed back.



Thursday, February 28, 2008

Rebel Without a Cause.

Hi there,

Ok thought I'd put up one of the James Dean shots that i'm trying to get my inspiration from in my current assignment.

What do you think, see where i'm coming from. I know Dennis Stock's is a bit better but hey he had daylight on his side ;) I do think i have better highlighting on the face :p


Wednesday, February 27, 2008

...more photography, just for a wee change

Hey again,

Well I was back in the darkroom again yesterday developing a further 2 rolls for my location portrait work.
I'm pretty happy with these ones, I am often suprised when i get a good shot, need to start believing in myself a bit more, maybe that will create a bit more greatness ;) Neil gave me some great expressions, if only i had money to pay him, he could make a living out of posing.. (not in a gay way eh Neil) the character goes a long way to making the picture decent, it's certainly not all about the photographers technique!!
Anyway, i'm going to put up the shots that were developed and then scanned in, so you can let me know what you think:
I'll also put up a shot of me another student took, this is the only one of her batch that isn't disturbing.. if you want to see more go here:

not your average portrait and scroll down a bit:

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Black and White Film Photo Shoot

Hey there,

Time to blog a bit more about photography. Ok so i used up my first film for my portrait assignment and went into college today to see what I had produced. I was apprehensive as per usual, you just never know with film if you've got anything worth keeping or is it all going to be rubbish. Either that or you screw up the entire film when developing and end up never knowing whether it was good or not!! Anyway, i got passed all that and ended up with a few pretty decent shots, which isn't bad from one roll of film. I'm now going for a James Dean, kind of rebel without a cause type theme now. My tutor looked at one of my shots and suggested I go down this line. So at this stage he knows much more than me, so i figured I'd take his advice. Just means i've much more work to do and have to get my ass out with the next film.
Neil was my willing candidate as always, which is great, but i need to give him a rest and will be using Gordon for my studio stuff, but more on that at a later date. So have a wee look below and tell me what you think, these are scans from the prints i produced today, one has scanned out kind of sepia in tone, which works as well... So as I say, feedback welcome, this is all lots of fun and keeps me extremely busy...

Speak soon.


Thursday, February 14, 2008


Hi, I feel the need to go off on a big rant today, don't really know where I'm going with it, but lets go for it anyway!
I'm sitting here at work, as usual feeling like i'm wasting my life. Yesterday I was meant to be making up hours, but left early because I just couldn't stand wasting another minute pissing about in here. There's people out there with really meaningful lives doing important things everyday, and i'm rotting away in mundane Karen Land. I know I should be grateful that I have a job, blah blah blah. Sometimes you just can't be eternally positive and you just have to have a great big moan!
Of course it's all my own fault, you don't get anywhere in life by sitting on your fat ass, moaning and hoping that the life changing event you dream of happening just comes and say's hello to you one day!
We have to take responsibilty for our lives, of course we do, who else is going to, I just wish I knew how to do that...Would anyone out there like to sort my life out for me because I haven't managed to work it all out myself yet! I do believe i've just constradicted myself there.
Anyway.. I just need a fresh start, something new and challenging. Who's with me? who wants to go on a Journey? Lets all walk out of work we hate today! see that's it I'll me a motivational speaker, would you listen to me?

Friday, January 25, 2008

Heath Ledger

I read this on the skynews website this morning about Heath Ledger:

A controversial church described as a "hate group" has said it will protest at Ledger's LA memorial service because he played a gay character in Brokeback Mountain.

The Kansas-based Westboro Baptist Church - which has previously said they wished a million people had been killed in the London terror attacks in 2005 - issued a statement saying the Australian actor was "now in hell".

How much does this make you feel sick? No compassion whatsoever!! For a start he was only playing a character, calm down!! These things go on behind closed doors all the time, he only brought to light a bit of reality!! Grrrr. I really hope this doesn't happen, his family need left in peace. Imagine a big up roar like that at a funeral, no respect!! arseholes!

Also, read this blog about it on the church website, it's horrendous!!


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Feedback please

Hi guys,

It's 5am and i've randomly woken up and can't get back to sleep, so I thought i'd get some feedback on a photograph.
My assignment deadline is fast approaching as usual, and I've been thinking and toying with an idea for one of my shots, please see below!
This is Neil holding a piece of glass with emotional thought and phrases written on it. I took it quickly so excuse the bad tone, but we are on about subject here at the moment. I think the problem with this is, you can't tell that there is glass there, therefore you may think i've put this mass of words on with photoshop or something like that. What I'm asking is, do you think i need to give the impression of glass, like pan back a bit or get a bit of glare somehow?
Let me know guys, I should really be working this out my self, but sure advice is always good :)



Saturday, January 19, 2008

20 things you must do in 2008

I love all this, lets see who agrees with these:

1) Give up Facebook - "it may have been the social networking phenomenon of last year, but surely now the appeal is wearing off? Make this the year when you stop spending so much time with your virtual chums and go and visit your real friends in the flesh."

it's always been bullshit to me, so no problem with this one.

2) Visit Liverpool - "Chosen as the European Capital of Culture of 2008, Liverpool is putting on a year's worth of arts and entertainment to celebrate. Visit www.liverpool2008.org/ for more information."

not sure if I could put up with the accent to be honest!

3) Eat free range chicken - "Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's Chicken Out campaign highlighted the levels of cruelty involved in the process of rearing intensively farmed chickens. But still it seems unclear whether the message is getting through. Show you want to make a difference by signing up to the campaign at www.chickenout.tv/"

well if you'd seen any of the Jamie Oliver program the other night, you'd be on for this one"!

4) See the Olympic flame - "The Olympic flame for this summer's Beijing Games will be lit in Greece in March before following the route of the historic silk road and visiting 22 cities. The flame comes to the UK on April 6, when it can be seen in London."

ok seeing some stupid flame doesn't particularly appeal, but checking out the 22 cities along the way certainly does!

5) Holiday in the UK - "Help the nation's fragile economy and the planet's even more fragile environment by taking a holiday in the UK. The Highlands, National Parks, West Country; what more could you want?"

well i'm sure i'll be heading to Edinburgh this year, but that involves getting on a plan, so I'll not really be helping the environment, sorry :(

6) Take up a new sport - "With a plethora of activities and disciplines on show, let the summer Olympics in Beijing also inspire you to take up a new sport."

I go to the gym and do an HND, clear off, there's no time for more!!

7) Turn the TV off in June - "It is hard to imagine a major football championship without any of the Home Nations playing. But that is what we are faced with in June, as Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and England all failed to qualify for the European Championships in Austria and Switzerland. How depressing..."

haha unlucky guys! Doesn't make me depressed in the slightest

8) Use or lose your gym membership - "Naturally we all want you to go to the gym and stay in shape, but with 70% of gym memberships unused, we'd prefer you kept the money for yourself instead."

got this one covered i think..

9) Give up something for Lent - "Lent, the 40 days before Easter when traditionally people give up something unhealthy, begins on February 6 - so decide which one of your vices you are going to give up this year."

hmmm i've never be one for doing this, maybe I should try coffee... WHATTTTTT !!

10) Clean out your makeup bag - "One for the ladies this, obviously. Apparently many of you are using cosmetics that are out of date and therefore potentially hazardous. Time for a spring clean, and maybe even switch to organic products while you are at it."

Definitely something I need to do, then find someone to buy me new stuff

11) Watch Wimbledon - "Finally, with the apparent coming of age of Andy Murray, Britain has a tennis star who can realistically compete for major titles. Tune in to the Wimbledon Championships on June 23 - July 6 to see if he or anyone else can stop Roger Federer."

nahh not really a fan, might catch a few matches if i'm bored or drunk r something ;)

12) Buy local - "Feel like the supermarkets are taking over your local area? Support local business by doing as much of your shopping as possible there instead. "

this is a nice idea in theory, but I don't think i can afford to be this kind :(

13) Go to a music festival - "You might think it is not for you, but we promise you, you will enjoy it and there are currently hundreds to choose from in the UK."

Am i too old for this?

14) Read books for adults - "It's over, the last book has been written. Time to forget Harry Potter forever and get back to reading books written for people your own age."

Hell yeah, fantasy bollox!

15) Watch the film release of the year - "Indy's back! To be more precise, Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull is released May 22. Start counting down the days now."

oh go on then, i'm up for this one

16) Follow the US election - "The election to see who will become the 44th president of the US will take place on November 4 but the race to the White House is already well under way. As the dark years of George W Bush's administration come to an end, this promises to be one of the most exciting elections in recent history"

ok, so it's all very important and all that, but i'm just not that interested..

17) Have a leap year party - "For such a short month, February 2008 sure has a lot of Fridays. That's because February this year, which begins and ends on a Friday and has five in total, is a leap year, meaning there will be 29 days in the month. Celebrate this momentous occasion with a celebratory get-together. It is also customary for women to ask men to marry them on February 29."

Now this is more like it, it's also Steve O's Bday so it's on! Oh and watch out I might just ask you to mary me ;)

18) Sort your bills out - "With energy companies expected to increase prices at levels way above inflation this year, make sure you shop around for the best deals - you could save yourself a small fortune."

...... no comment

19) Get Freeview - "There is no excuse - the big analogue switch off begins this year and you don't want to find yourself stuck without a telly. Best to be prepared and invest in a Freeview box - otherwise you may miss your favourite TV shows."


20) Go for a health check-up - "While you are almost certainly in fine health, prevention is better than cure and going for a health check-up will allow your GP to spot any symptoms before they turn into bigger problems."

Yeah I'll be grand

Ok that took far to long to cut and paste in, i have work to do..

c ya


Monday, January 14, 2008

this one is even better!

check out this, i had just eaten a dingo!! haha

ohh dear Lord!

4 years difference

Well now who can guess the new from the old... haha
seriously how rough did I look back in 2004, probably drunk in the younger one like, but still that's no excuse for looking like a millie!

Friday, January 04, 2008


Picture of a picture

Hey there, just thought i'd have a go at this blogging from my new phone business. So here's a photo of a pic on my website. It's the first snowfall, aint it loverly ;) kaz